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Guy was born many years ago in an ancient mythical mythical kingdom(or it could have been
Canton, Ohio-sources are unclear). Upon growing to strapping young manhood, he toiled at various professions, including
cesspool diver, dynamite tester, and amusement park sketch artist. It was around this time that Guy became a student of the
martial art of Toe Fu, and also mysteriously gained the mystic power to communicate with fried foods. Soon after, Mr. Staats
moved to the cultural and artistic mecca of North Georgia, where he fell easy prey to an evil vampire succubus who bled him
dry for seven years before leaving forever to "do my own thing". Today, Guy lives aboard a vast intergalactic space cruiser
when he isn't having delusions of being a cartoonist. He has an adoring wife who is better at fixing stuff around the house
than he is and two lovely young daughters. He has many Hawaiian shirts.
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